I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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