How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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