I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
