Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
