I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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