i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
is it fun? or sober?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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