i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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