this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Do vagina's smell?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
