If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just pee around me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
