I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
