I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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