Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
