I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
