A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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