you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My butt remains clenched, sir.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
