perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
