I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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