Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
