just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
