I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
