I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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