Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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