ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
