i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
