im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
