Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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