i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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