2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In other news, I just burned my penis
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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