one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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