What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
