I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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