1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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