Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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