I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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