If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
