Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
