i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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