My entire life is one complicated drinking game
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
