thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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