When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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