I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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