I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
zippers are such a cool invention
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just invented taco cereal.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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