I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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