so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
