Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
