While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
