My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
