Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
