You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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