im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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