I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have fence marks all over my body
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
