you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
