Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
