If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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