doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
there is puke in my bra ... again
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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