Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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