i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
